Some Peoples' Children

Okay, can I just tell you guys that the last few days have been filled with the most interestingly inappropriate interactions with strangers EVER?  It's left me wondering what constellation is in what moon house (clearly I don't understand astrology).  Here are just three of my favorite encounters:

Saturday

I was running around town doing last minute preparations for a yard sale fundraiser for Build.Create.Kenya.  I really needed to get small bills for the cash box, but the banks were closed.  I finally found a liquor store willing to trade me for all of their 1's, and as the clerk was counting them out for me some random dude behind me shouts "Whoa! What are you, a stripper?!?!"  I mean...not only does this not make sense (I'm pretty sure strippers already have all the 1's they could possibly need), but in what universe is this an acceptable question to ask a total stranger?!?!  He continued to make several more crude comments.  Quick comebacks aren't my forte when I'm shocked, so my only response to him was an extended evil eye and an arched brow while I slowly backed out of the liquor store.  I mean, I totally wasn't offended or anything (I actually couldn't stop giggling for about an hour afterwards) I just thought it was silly how incredibly inappropriate he was.

Sunday

Midway through our yard sale an older gentlemen entered the store that immediately vibed me out.  I watched as he meandered through our goods and removed the price tags on each of the very reasonably-priced items he picked up.  He sauntered up to me with a good $20+ of goods and said "$5 for this." It was a statement, rather than a question, naturally.  Normally I'm a pretty chatty person and I'm always open for haggling (ESPECIALLY at a yard sale), but I just didn't dig on this dude's 'tude and M.O.  I told him the price for all of the items as marked and offered a lower price to start negotiations.  We went back and forth a few times, each time he refused to go above $5. I explained WITH A SMILE that this sale is for charity and every 50-cents we discount results in another child going hungry for a day.  His response was a scoff and an eye-roll!  Angrily he marched up to the table we set up with free Build.Create.Kenya promotional items (wristbands, stickers, etc) and grabbed two huge handfuls of wristbands!  What on Earth could he possibly do with dozens of wristbands featuring the logo of an organization he ROLLED HIS EYES AT not 20 seconds before?!!?  At this point the fiance (TF for brevity's sake) stepped in and said "How about you take only two of those" and put the rest back on the table.  Are you ready for this dude's response???  Sit down now, 'coz it's a doozy!  This well-dressed elderly "gentlemen" spit out with incredibly fierce venom "What are you, Jews?"  Luckily my shock lasted only a micro-second and I was able to respond rapid-fire with "Yes I am, actually, and you can leave now. We certainly don't want your money".  His response, thankfully, was to storm out; good riddance!  I'm not actually Jewish, by the way, but my father is, and I WILL get incredibly defensive when I hear such hateful, derogatory speech about his peeps.  This was such a gross encounter my fists and jaw didn't unclench for a good fifteen minutes after he left.

This Morning

TF and I met his sister for breaky downtown as she was in town for a few hours.  We parked in a lot, and told the parking attendant we'd be two hours.  He said he'd let us park for just $5, but if we went a minute over it'd be another $5.  We gave the man his money and went to eat.

One hour and 54 minutes later we returned to the lot and got into our car.  As we were backing up, I saw that the parking attendant was running towards us and told TF.  After backing up, he put the car in park and rolled down his window to see what the attendant wanted.  The dude slammed his hand down on the windshield and said "You owe me $5!" TF responded with "You said $5 for two hours; we haven't even been that long...?" As TF went to put the car in drive - and it is important to note at this point that the car was NOT moving - the loony-tune attendant PUNCHED TF in the side of his head!  I am SO not even kidding!

The attendant immediately turned and started running in the other direction leaving TF and I in utter and complete shock.  Before I could get out "what the f...?!?!" TF was out the door and running towards the attendant's booth where he located the manager's number and started dialing.  This wouldn't be MY first instinct, but TF is much more rational than I am.  I, meanwhile, was in a panic not knowing what would go down next. Would the attendant attack TF? Would they fight? Does he have a weapon? Should I run for cover to avoid flying bullets? I have an overactive imagination. I chose to dial 911.

As TF and I were on our respective phone calls, the attendant flagged down a sheriff's patrol car in order to, what I can only assume, try to spin the story before we could bust him.  There are security cameras all over the joint, so good luck there, pal!  After speaking to the attendant for a moment, the sheriff came over to get our side.  Luckily, it was fairly obvious that we had not provoked or otherwise done anything to warrant GETTING PUNCHED IN THE HEAD by this dude, so, after confirming we would each stay on our own sides of the parking lot, the sheriff took off as the LAPD were on their way.

The LAPD showed up moments later to take our statements.  The attendants story was that we tried to run him over and he tried to punch the car in order to stop it (with his super human strength perhaps?), and punched TF purely by accident.  The Copper's awesome response was "A) You thought you could stop a moving vehicle by punching it? and B) You were clearly on the side of the car since you punched him through the window, so how could you have been at risk of being run over?"  Excellent points, if I don't say so myself!

The 5-0 said our options were to have him arrested, file a report (and subsequently press charges), or just drop the whole thing.  We certainly didn't want the dude arrested for a single punch to the noggin, but as we couldn't justify doing nothing and thus allowing him to potentially attack someone else in the future, we opted to just file a report.  Hopefully duder will be sentenced to the anger management classes he so clearly needs.

 So...that's been my last few days...how are you all doing?